Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, the MAGA Crossfit hate-twit from Georgia, is most famous for one thing, and it is that she Did Her Own Research in 2018 during that year’s terrible California wildfires, and Uncovered Her Own Evidence that maaaaaaaaaybe some Jewish Space Lasers were starting the fires?
THESE ONES!
“But what do I know? I just like to read a lot,” she wrote on Facebook, with some emoji, the way grown adults type.
Greene’s discovery about space will be on her tombstone, and someday surely NASA will erect a statue of her at Cape Canaveral, probably making this face, because it is her usual face:
By the way, Greene HATES it when you ask her about her Jewish Space Laser discovery. But to be fair, Einstein probably hated it when people came up and asked him to sing his theories of relativity, or when people just yelled “BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ” at Benjamin Franklin, or gave Isaac Newton wedgies while yelling, “Hey you pansy, where’s your falling apples NOW!”
Well, y’all know how Greene is fucking this one right-wing broadcaster from Right Side Broadcasting News (RSBN) named Brian Glenn? (RSBN is like the poor man’s version of Newsmax and One America News.) At least we assume they are fucking. They have been together forever — like, since before their respective divorces, we hear! — and they’re always posting pictures of themselves.
If they’re not fucking, they’re getting a raw deal! (And if they are fucking they might be getting a raw deal too! We’ll see ourselves out.)
POINT IS, Brian also knows cool things about space.
Specifically he knows things about next week’s eclipse. Is it going to create earthquakes on the New Madrid fault, due to how the Bible says crazy earthquakes and wacky space stuff mean God is having a temper tantrum, probably about Too Many Buttfuckings, if we had to guess?
NO. That’s a different scientist.
This scientist, Brian Glenn, the one MTG is fucking, says the eclipse is a sign of different God stuff, though! He explained before Donald Trump spoke in Green Bay, Wisconsin, yesterday, scientifically:
GLENN: I often say that as much conflict as we have in the world, as much pain and sorrow and people are suffering, it’s a great time to be alive because we’re seeing this take place and I think we’re going to see where the largest kind of a spiritual awakening in this country that people are realizing how much evil has creeped into not only our government, but our own personal lives, and it’s destroyed this country. That’s my take on that.
I think the eclipse — I think the eclipse! is a signal of that, and we don’t want to get into that a little bit later …
We don’t want to get into that! said Brian, refraining from explaining how the eclipse is a signal of a spiritual awakening where people are realizing how the evil things have destroyed America and also our personal lives. The transcript is awkward, but we think he meant he didn’t want to get into it right then. But later, maybe?
Maybe when he has all his astronomy science implements available, for demonstrating how it all works.
If you miss the spiritual awakening God thing in the United States next week, there are only a few more spiritual awakening God things scheduled for the rest of this century.
We hope none of them happen during a planned Jewish space lasering.
That would be so fucked.
OPEN THREAD.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
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