Hello, consequences!
It’s 30 days in the clink, three years of supervised release, and a $20k payback for Aimee Harris, the hot-mess Florida mom of two who thieved Ashley Biden’s diary, tax records, photos, and personal papers, and with accomplice Robert Kurlander sold the furtivus for $40k to Project Veritas, an alleged charity then but no longer being run by Wonkette’s favorite DJ and dildo boat captain, James O’Keefe.
That slippin’ Jimmy! If Harris had been reading yr Wonkette she would have already known that the guy can’t quit fucking up. He ended up trying to authenticate his purloined loot by ringing up Ashley Biden’s lawyer Roberta Kaplan (that lady is everywhere!), who said “this is insane” and called the FB fuckin I. The house and electronics of two other Project Veritas employees promptly got searched and seized, though the boys have been crying “First Amendment” and “journalism” and “we didn’t know it was stolen!” and are still yet to be charged with anything. Although special master Judge Barbara Jones did rule in December that their buying stolen property is not journalism, actually, so that could change!
In the meantime, O’Keefe and Veritas are still out here trolling with their bullshit. But Harris, who’d delayed her sentencing an impressive 11 times with all sorts of excuses, will now have to report to the women’s prison in Tallahassee on July 11 and spend a swampy month there.
How did she get here? Why, bad life choices, of course!
Reported New York Magazine, “As a younger woman, she had played in the Palm Beach social scene and dated heirs to old fortunes, but she ran into personal trouble after the births of her two children and an ugly paternity-and-custody battle with their father. Between 2019 and 2020, Harris moved from one unstable living situation to another. In June 2020, a former boyfriend offered to let her stay at his place, a stucco house with a pool in Delray Beach. Ashley Biden happened to have moved out of the spare bedroom just a couple days before.”
But don’t feel too sorry for her. In September of 2020 she repaid her ex’s kindness by digging through Ashley’s stored luggage and finding her diary and a digital card of private Biden family photos. She quickly texted her friend Kurlander to help her fence the property, probably because Kurlander had been sentenced to 40 months in prison in the ’90s after pleading guilty to a conspiracy count in a drug-related money laundering scheme and posted lots of Biden hate online, making him qualified for that kind of thing.
Kurlander eagerly responded that he’d help her sell the stuff and “make a SHIT TON of money.” He got them both tickets to a dockside Trump flotilla fundraiser in Jupiter where Don Junior was going to be, hosted by Elizabeth Fago, whom New York mag describes as “a nursing-home mogul who drove a white Bentley and was once in a cheerleading crew called the Nixonettes.”
“You may have a chance to make so much money,” Kurlander slobbered to Harris before the Trumptilla party. “OMG!” Harris replied. “Coming with stuff that neither one of us have seen or spoken about. I can’t wait to show you what Mama has to bring Papa.”
Retch.
So Mama brought the diary, which was passed around the party to the great amusement of all the leering creeps in attendance. A few days later Papa told Mama that the Trump campaign declined his offer to buy the diary because the stolen property was too dirty even for them. The “campaign can’t use it. They want it to go to the FBI. There is NO WAY [Trump] can use this. It has to be done a different way.”
As much as the Trump campaign might have wanted to, though, they did not call the FBI. And on that very same day, the “different way” happened to ring up Papa’s phone, and it was James O’Keefe! He invited the two greaseballs and their diary to a meetup at a hotel in New York at Veritas’s expense, which they jubilantly accepted.
“Let’s have fun ! ! ! ! ! And make money” Kurlander texted to his ladyfriend.
After Jimmy and pals leafed through the diary, which was no doubt grubby and dog-eared with ketchup stains by now, they agreed to pay the pair $10k, but realized they had no way to authenticate the provenance of the property.
So they demanded Mama and Papa go steal more things of Ashley’s, and sent their employee Spencer Meads to Florida to help them. Veritas also rang up Ashley Biden herself from the office conference room, to try to trick her into confirming the diary was hers by pretending to be a random person who “found” the diary and wanted to return it, reading the lurid bits of her own alleged words to her until she cried. Thus satisfied, Veritas forked over $30k more to the pair of greasebags for the “publishing rights.”
But, as much as they all enjoyed Ashley crying, it still didn’t solve Veritas’s authentication problem. They couldn’t prove it was real without saying they stole it, and if they didn’t say they stole it, they couldn’t prove it was real! And there was no way to publish it without being in a shit ton of trouble. Somehow, though, the diary “leaked” from a “media whistleblower” to another right-wing website, National File, which apparently pissed off O’Keefe. Is there no honor among thieves?!
Still trying to squeeze some kind of return out of their investment, Veritas pivoted to trying to use the diary to extort an interview with Joe Biden, but found themselves referred to Ashley’s lawyer Roberta Kaplan instead. She maybe dished out some good advice for them, because on November 8, 2020, right after Biden was declared the winner of the election, a lawyer for Project Veritas brought the items to the Delray Beach Police Department in a duffel bag, saying they were “possibly stolen.” Ya think?
As for Harris, a month in jail might seem lenient. But she may be back in the pokey soon — prosecutors say she also recently got a DUI at 2 p.m. on a Monday. They also report that her kids haven’t been to school in three weeks, which is sad and we don’t like it. It’s another family of flotsam from the wreck of Trump’s flotilla.
All of it makes for gleeful fodder for the rightwing trolls of Twitter and TikTok, who are claiming that the jailtime is extra proof that the diary is real and proves that Ashley and her father Joe showered together in some kind of an inappropriate way, though the entire thing could have been written by Junior at the bar of the Trumpilla or any one of the many grubby hands that touched it along the way for all anyone really knows, unless Ashley ever says otherwise. And Ashley has never said a damn thing.
Kurlander is scheduled to be sentenced April 12, and maybe someday something will happen to the dildo boat captain and his friends, too. One can dream!